Hmm, this story turn out a lot sappier than I meant it to. But, it's basically a love story, what can you do? ;-) It's also my first B/A story, so I guess I had to get it out of my system.

Disclaimer: The characters, places, etc, are not mine, they are property of Joss and WB. This is my take on events in season two of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and then my own branch-off universe where things go totally differently to how they work in the series. Which also answers the spoilers question.

Also not mine, are the songs (which are marked by <...> in the story). They are all on Trisha Yearwood's album, "Songbook." In order, the songs used are:

Thinkin' About You
Believe Me Baby (I Lied)
Like We Never Had A Broken Heart
Down On My Knees
On A Bus To St Cloud
The Song Remembers When
How Do I Live
Perfect Love

I named the story after the album for two reasons, 1) all the songs in the story are from the album, and I meant it as kind of a tribute, and 2) the songs follow the story all the way through and "Songbook" seemed an appropriate title for it.

***

"Songbook."

By the Little Soap Dish.

***

Angelus rested his head in his hands. What was wrong with him? Why did he always feel so bad after seeing Buffy receive one of his 'gifts'? The idea was to make her feel bad, and no matter how well she hid it, he knew how they affected her. She was the Slayer, he was supposed to do his best to kill her, and torturing her beforehand just added to his fun. Still, he didn't feel as triumphant as he should. He didn't feel like he'd had fun. Somehow the little triumph he felt was always bitter - he didn't like it. He felt... Guilty. That was it. He felt bad about making her feel bad. This wasn't right.

He stood up with a snarl, and left the room. He headed for the cemetery.

This was not right. He should feel good about how he was treating the Slayer - not guilty! Seeing a young girl, presumably walking home from somewhere, he moved towards her. He stopped, growling at himself. No! He was starting to feel guilty about feeding from a human now? Not just for hurting Buffy, but for anything that might hurt her indirectly?

Disgusted with himself, he attacked the girl anyway, at the last minute making her a vampire - just to prove to himself he could ignore these feelings he had.

***

The next night, Angelus was hunting when he sensed *her* behind him. He turned slowly, and had to school himself very carefully. She was beautiful. She hadn't seen him yet, she was fighting the girl he'd vampirized the night before. The fight was bringing out the colour in her, he admired her agility and skill... Then he growled at himself. Buffy quickly staked the girl and turned to face him, having heard the growl.

"Angelus, came to watch me slay your latest creation?" she asked with a sneer.

"Hard as it maybe for you to believe, you are not the only thing I think about;" that was a definite lie. "And I didn't particularly care about her. I just happened to be passing by."

Buffy snorted, "Really? I find that hard to believe. Have you no charming gift for me tonight, Angelus?"

"Actually, no. I had better things to do." Angelus turned to leave, knowing she wouldn't stake him. "See you around, Slayer."

Buffy watched him leave, puzzled. What was wrong with him tonight? Usually he delighted in insulting her, giving his little gifts, or fighting her - or all three. Tonight, not even one insult. What was up with him?

***

Angelus was furious with himself, but he hadn't dared fight her - not tonight. If he'd gone near her... He'd wanted her so badly. Damn, he always wanted her, but this time the difference was he realized it. Damn. What was wrong with him? Was he going to go soft because his Angel's soul loved her? He stopped, a horrible thought occurring to him. What if it wasn't just Angel's soul who loved her? What if Angelus the demon did as well? He growled loudly, shaking his head. No! That couldn't be. Demons did not love. *Spike and Dru do,* the voice in his head made him growl again, *you're their sire - maybe they got it from you.*

"Noooo!" he howled. No! This could not be! But he knew it was. He'd finally realized that he, Angelus, the most vicious vampire currently undead, loved the Slayer. He couldn't stop thinking about her, he felt guilty about hurting her... It all made sense now.

A song he'd heard Buffy playing in her room once played in his mind.

<I'm not quite sure what's goin' on
But all day through, and all night long
I've been thinkin' about you.
The look in your eyes when you smile that way,
The sound of your voice sayin' my name.
I've been thinkin' about you,
Just keep thinkin' about you.
This single minded fascination I've got,
Do you call it love, if you don't then what?
All I know is I don't know what you've done,
And this train of thought
Ain't about to jump the track that it's on.>

Snarling, Angelus tried to stop thinking about this, find something to get his mind off her.

<In the back of my mind there's a secret place,
But the whole world knows by the smile on my face
That I've been thinkin' about you,
Can't stop thinkin' about you.>

He saw a young couple out walking, and when he tried to move towards them, suddenly realized that he couldn't hurt them.

<This single minded fascination I've got,
Do you call it love, if you don't then what?
All I know is I don't know what you've done,
And this train of thought
Ain't about to jump the track that it's on.>

Angelus turned away, and ran back to his home. He *had* to beat this! Instead, he found himself running towards Buffy's house.

<I know it's crazy callin' you this late
When the only thing I wanted to say is
I've been thinkin' about you,
Just keep thinkin' about you;
I can't stop thinkin' about you,
I'm always thinkin' about you,
And I do love thinkin' about you.>

Angelus arrived at Buffy's house, and looked up at her window, the light was on, and he could hear the radio. He climbed up to her window and carefully looked in.

Buffy was dressed for bed, finishing off some homework. Angelus felt himself ache for her. This was wrong! But somehow, it felt right being so close to her. He silently sat on the window sill, then he knocked softly on the window.

Buffy spun around, looking very shocked.

"Angelus!" she hissed. "What do you want?"

He suddenly realized he had nothing to say.

"I... Buffy, I... Damn!" he swore under his breath. Buffy was completely confused. "Buffy, I... I need to tell you something." *NO!* his mind screamed at him, but it was suddenly very important to him that she knew. "This is hard..." Seeing the wary look on her face, he reassured her; "I won't come in unless you invite my Buffy, don't worry. I know physically I can, but I don't want to unless you want me to."

Buffy was now more confused than ever. "Why not?"

Angelus hung his head, as a vampire he was ashamed of his feelings, but at the same time, he felt happier to recognise them, instead of hiding from them. He decided to be totally honest with her.

"Buffy, this is hard to tell you, because it's exposing a weakness to the Slayer, something that goes against every instinct I have; but since this isn't a typical vampire problem..." he took a deep breath, and looked up at her. "Buffy, I love you."

Buffy could think of nothing that would have shocked her more. The way that he'd been treating her before... The change had been so sudden, just tonight really, and that was just nothing particularly bad happening, not something actually good. It was too sudden for her to trust him; and yet, she found herself believing him.

"I... Angelus..." Buffy faltered.

"You don't have to say anything, I'm not expecting anything. Actually, you not laughing in my face is a bit of a surprize. It's unexpected to you, I can see that." He snorted, "Actually, it's unexpected to me too, feeling like this." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'll be honest, I do want you Buffy; I want you and I love you. Hell, I'll even go so far as to say that in some ways I need you. It's the truth. But, as I said before, I'm not expecting anything. I just... I somehow felt I should tell you. I want you back, Buffy, and while I know that doesn't mean I can have you, it doesn't stop me wanting. After the way I've treated you, I wouldn't have blamed you in the slightest if you'd told me to leave and never mention this again about five minutes ago." He smiled wryly, at the shake of her head.

The song on the radio changed to one Angelus thought was rather appropriate.

<"If there ever was a time
That I could use your trust in me,
And if there ever was a reason
For me to get down on my knees,
And if there's any way
That you could love me anyhow;
If you ever had much faith in me
I could use a little now.
When I said it would suit me fine
If you were out of sight and out of mind
That wasn't me talking
That was my wounded pride.
When I said I didn't want your love
And you were no one I was thinking of
Believe me baby I lied.
Well I got no good excuses
But I got plenty of regrets,
And I wish this was some bad dream
I could wake up and forget,
'Cause you're the only one
That I could never stand to lose.
You're all I've ever wanted,
Baby that's the truth.">

Angelus interrupted the silence between himself and Buffy just before the song ended, voicing his thoughts. "Appropriate song," he gave her a weak smile, "I'll go now." Before she could say anything, he'd gone.

Angelus ran blindly to the cemetery - a place he knew. What was he thinking, telling her like that? But he found he couldn't feel bad about it, he'd wanted to. And now-

"Angelus!" He had already stopped running, and he turned to see Spike walking towards him. "Not much out to eat tonight."

Angelus agreed - though he hadn't exactly been looking.

Spike saw that his sire was not going to give him a hard time tonight, and asked if he wanted to hunt as a pair, for the company.

"No, not tonight Spike. I'm going to head back."

A rather puzzled Spike watched his sire leave, before noticing a man out alone. He smiled, "Ah, supper."

***

Giles, Jenny and Willow turned around as Buffy walked into the library the next morning.

"Good morning, Buffy."

"Hi, Giles."

Jenny looked her over, "You look like you didn't sleep all night."

Buffy smiled wryly, "I didn't."

"Why?" asked Xander from the doorway.

"Long story," Buffy looked around, and decided to tell them. "Angelus stopped by at my house last night." Waving off the concerned and angry comments, she continued. "He said he wouldn't come in through the window unless I invited him - and he didn't. He..." Buffy paused, unsure how to continue.

"What did he do Buffy?" Xander still sounded furious. Buffy remained silent, trying to figure out how to explain it.

"Buffy?" Buffy looked up to see Willow leaning over her. "What did he say to you?"

"He's in love with me."

There was complete silence in the room for several seconds. Then Xander burst out laughing. "You've got to be kidding me?" He suddenly remembered something. "Damn! I'm supposed to meet Cordy, see you all later." He walked out, still laughing.

"Buffy, you know he's not serious. This is some trick he's devised to throw you off balance, to add to the hurt he's been putting you through."

"Buffy, Giles is probably right. Think about it, this isn't Angel, it's Angelus." Willow's reminder did nothing for Buffy's mood.

"I know that, Willow! Do you think I could ever forget?" She paused, Giles and Willow kept quiet, and Jenny continued not to say anything. "I'm going to class."

"Buffy-" Giles was answered by a slamming door. "Oh dear."

"Oops," Willow felt bad about upsetting her friend, but she'd got the feeling Buffy was willing to believe Angelus.

"I'll see you two later," Jenny ran out of the room. "Buffy! Wait!"

Buffy stopped, "Miss Calendar."

"Look, Buffy, I get the feeling you want to believe Angelus," she held up a hand to stop Buffy's retort, "And to be honest I don't think you should listen to Giles, Willow, or anyone else's opinion on this subject. You can rationalise whichever way you want forever - other demons can feel emotion, who says he can't? And again, he was - perhaps in a way still is - Angel. Then again, he is a vampire - a vicious one - and you're the Slayer. You see? You can go round and around. In the end Buffy, I think the only person who can truly decide is you," she took a breath, "I know this is rushed, but I have to get to class too. Just bear in mind what I said, ok? But be careful." With that, Miss Calendar turned, and went to her first class of the day. Buffy followed suit, but slightly more sure of how she felt than before.

***

"Buffy?"

Buffy turned to see Angelus behind her.

"Hi," she remembered her earlier conversation with Miss Calendar, and felt herself really believing he loved her. She knew it was the most dangerous thing she could do, but she also knew she couldn't help it.

"How's the Slaying going tonight?"

"Slow. You're the first I've seen."

He nodded. "Not much to eat around here at the moment, people are learning to stay indoors at night. A lot of vampires are going further afield for a while."

"I see. Look, I think-" she didn't get to finish the sentence, because Angelus vamped out, snarled, and ran at her - right past her as it turned out, grabbing the stake from her hand on the way past. He jumped on a male vampire who was sneaking up behind Buffy.

"NO!" he growled, before staking the shocked vampire. He stood, let his features return to normal, and handed the stake back to Buffy - who stood there with her mouth open.

"Um, thank you..."

"Don't mention it."

Buffy suddenly remembered that the stake was made of wood, and he was a vampire. She grabbed his hand, turning it so she could see the palm. There was a burn scar there. She looked up at him. "Thank you," she repeated. She didn't let his hand go. "That must hurt."

He shrugged, and tried to retrieve his hand, but she was having none of it. She looked at his hand again, and added, "A lot." She raised his hand to her lips and kissed his palm.

Angelus looked at her in total shock. "Buffy..."

"Yes, Angelus?"

"What are you doing?" he asked warily.

"Kissing your hand better, what does it look like?" she asked before resuming her task of kissing every millimetre of his palm.

He shivered. "Buffy, stop it," he asked softly. She raised her eyes and looked at him, but she didn't stop.

"Please, Buffy." She was rather surprized by his pleading tone, and did stop then. After all, he had said please.

By this time they were standing only a few inches apart. Angelus felt like he was going to die if he didn't kiss her soon - or at least get away from her.

"Buffy, please," he rested his hands on her shoulders, and exerted a very gentle pressure on them indicating that she move back. This time though, she didn't respond to the please. Instead, she rested a hand on his waist.

Angelus no longer cared that she might reject him if he tried anything that might be unwelcome, he kissed her. More gently than he really wanted to, but he also wanted her to be able to get away if she wanted to. He chose not to think about how soft he was being or why. Apparently she didn't want to get away though. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him tightly against her. He moaned, and held her against him as he explored her mouth. He unwillingly pulled back for a moment.

"Buffy, are you sure-" He never finished the sentence, she grabbed him back to her, and tracing a line of kisses along his jaw, she whispered to him.

"That answer your question?"

His answer was muffled as her mouth returned to his, so it turned into more of a moan than anything else.

Buffy pulled back. "Angelus, I believed you when you said you loved me, and I still do. Which is why I want you to come with me."

"Where?"

"Mum's away for the weekend."

Angelus realized what she was saying. "Buffy-"

"Do you want to, Angelus?"

He dropped his eyes, "You know I do."

"Well then, don't complain; come with me;" she took his hand and started to lead him away, but he held back.

"Listen, Buffy, this isn't just a normal boy/girl couple getting back together after a falling-out. Are you sure?"

She blew air out between her lips impatiently, "I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't!" She dragged him back to her house.

***

When they arrived in Buffy's bedroom, neither of them were in any state to make this last a long time, but Angelus was determined to show her that he did care about her, not just lust after her. He laid her down on her bed, kissed her, and went over to her stereo system.

"Angelus..." Buffy moaned in protest.

"Just a moment, honey." He couldn't really chose an appropriate CD as he didn't know the music very well, so he just turned the CD player on and hoped whatever was in there was halfway appropriate. He walked back over to the bed, and "Like We Never Had A Broken Heart" began to play.

<"Don't be afraid to hold me tight
You know I won't break in two,
What we're doin' here tonight
Sure beats what we're goin' through.">

It took Angelus a moment to realize Buffy was softly singing along to the music.

<"We've both loved and lost before,
You know the sadness it can bring;
Tonight let's close the door
And hold on to the nearest thing.">

He lay beside her on the bed, and kissed her, his passion tempered for the moment by the slow music. She shifted in his arms to allow him room to take her top off.

<"Let's keep hangin' on
So we won't fall apart.">

Buffy whispered the next two lines to him as he held her close.

<"Let's make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart.">

"I love you, Buffy." The words came to him much easier now, and when he saw her smile in return, he knew that at least for tonight, they could be happy together and forget about their respective roles in the world outside. This was their night, and-

"Angelus, I think I love you too." He stopped removing her clothes and looked at her, did she realize what she'd just said? "If you can't help it what makes you think I can?" was her unashamed answer to the look on his face. She pulled him back down onto the bed.

***

It was Sunday morning, a month later. Joyce was out of town again, and Angelus had ended up staying with Buffy the whole weekend. They were lying asleep in bed together when the phone rang. They both woke, but Buffy laid a hand on his chest indicating that he shouldn't move. Then she answered the phone.

"Hello, Buffy?"

"Yup, Willow?"

"Yeah, listen, Jenny and I think we've found a way to restore Angel's soul!" Buffy glanced quickly at the bed, but Angelus hadn't moved, his eyes were shut, and he was half asleep.

"Willow, that's great! But, maybe we should discuss this later? Like tomorrow? I'm kind of busy."

"Oh," Willow's disappointment was obvious, she'd expected more of a reaction from her friend. "Ok, I- Oh, Buffy, I have to hand you over to Jenny a sec, there's someone at the door."

"Buffy?"

"Yes, Jenny?" There was a pause at the other end.

"I just wanted to make sure she was out of earshot. From what I heard you want to discuss this later?"

"Yeah, Jenny, I'm tired-"

"I'll bet you are," the dry tone was not lost on Buffy.

"Huh?"

"He's there isn't he?" Buffy was stunned. "Remember I'm the one that told you to follow your heart. If this is where it led you, so be it. I'm guessing your unwillingness to talk stems more from not wanting to be overheard than not caring, as I know you do care. Out of curiosity, how long?" This time it was genuine amusement apparent in her voice.

"Since the night after you gave me that advice."

"Whew, you work fast! We'll talk to you about it tomorrow, ok?"

"Sure, see ya," Buffy hung up the phone and turned back to her lover.

"Willow?" he asked sleepily.

"Yeah, Miss Calendar was there too - witch stuff I guess. Anyway, Willow had some good news about a guy, and then the doorbell rang, so Jenny talked to me for a bit instead." As she was speaking she was settling back into bed, she was now curled around him.

"Oh, I see. Buffy?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you really tired?" She smiled at the question, knowing why he was asking, and shook her head against his chest.

"No, just comfy."

"Oh, shame," he replied.

"What's a shame?" she asked, knowing full well what he meant, but playing along anyway.

"That you were comfy," he replied as he flipped her onto her back, his full weight pinning her down.

She grinned up at him, not minding being pinned down in the least. "Such a shame," she agreed. She freed a hand and entangled it in his hair as she pulled his mouth down to hers.

***

At lunchtime the next day, Buffy pulled Willow to one side. "Willow, I need to talk to you about that plan we made this morning."

"What part?" asked Willow, rummaging in her pack for her lunch.

"The part where I distract Angelus while you guys invoke the curse again. We don't fight anymore." Willow looked up, surprized.

"Is that to do with him saying he loves you?"

"Yeah. Look, Will, I couldn't say this in front of Giles and Xander, but I'm trusting you not to overreact, ok? And since only you and Jenny are going to be there, Giles and Xander never need to find out what I'm about to tell you. Understand?" Willow nodded her reply. Buffy took a deep breath, "You remember when I told you he said he loves me? Well, that night we met again. Long story short, he saved my life, and I... Well, we slept together."

Willow looked like she was about to faint. "You did what?! Buffy are you crazy?"

"Will, we've been together a month, he's never hurt me, and he's killed several vampires to help me. Anyway, when I... Distract him, it's more likely to be smoochies than beating each other up, that's what you need to know."

"How are you going to tell Jenny?" Willow paused with a new thought, "Or do I have to do that?"

"She knows, Willow; she told me to follow my heart with this, and when you called yesterday morning and I didn't want to talk, she guessed he was there." Buffy saw the look on Willow's face, and continued quickly. "She guessed, that's the only reason she knew before you, ok? Anyway, Will, I have to go. See you later?" Before she could get an answer she left; she couldn't take Willow's disapproval, if only she understood. Buffy sighed, as long as Willow didn't love a vampire, she could never understand.

***

Friday night, Buffy was feeling very nervous. Everything was planned, she would keep Angelus busy when she bumped into him on her patrol - Willow and Jenny would invoke the curse. Simple. Except she would be deceiving Angelus, something she wasn't sure she could do effectively anymore.

"Hi honey, I've missed you."

The breath against her ear made Buffy jump, and she turned to see him.

"Angelus, I've missed you too." She barely got the sentence out before he pulled her against him, kissing her with a passion that she was perfectly willing to match.

Meanwhile, nearby, Jenny and Willow began to work the curse. Angelus knew immediately, but he continued kissing her.

Suddenly, he collapsed on the ground moaning in pain.

"Angelus!" Buffy dropped to her knees beside him, and rested his head against her chest. "I love you, Angelus... Not just Angel."

"I know... That's why... I didn't... Try and stop you..." She bent over and kissed him one last time before he passed out. It was then she realized she was crying.

***

Angel woke up in Buffy's room early Saturday morning. He sat up, and shook his head.

"Angel, you're awake!" He turned his head to see Buffy smiling down at him.

"Buffy," he reached out and pulled her close to him. "Thank you."

Buffy pulled back slightly, "Angel, do you remember-"

He nodded, "Yes, I remember. You chose me over him." Buffy's only answer was a blush, he tilted her chin up to look at him; "Buffy, I know you loved him in the end, but I don't blame you for that. Once he realized he loved you, there was nothing about him you shouldn't love." He held Buffy tightly against him again, "In the end, you chose me over Angelus, that's what matters now."

She smiled, and lifted her head slightly so he could kiss her, which he did without hesitation.

"Mum's away for the weekend." Angel smiled against her mouth.

"Good." He swiftly removed her shirt and that was followed to the floor by her skirt and his shirt. She unzipped his trousers and pushed them down to his ankles, where he stepped out of them. When she stood up, he pulled her against him. "Buffy..." he moaned against her mouth.

"BUFFY!"

The couple abruptly broke apart to see Joyce standing at the door.

"Mum, I-"

"Is this what happens when I go away for the weekend? I trust you in the house alone, and you bring your boyfriend back here? It's a good thing the art convention was cancelled!" She turned to Angel. "And as for you, you can leave right now, while I have a talk with my little girl!"

"Yes, Mrs. Summers," he murmured, having already replaced his clothes. "Goodbye, Buffy," he slipped out of the door.

"You young lady-"

"How dare you, mum? This is *my* room! What I do in here is *my* business. If you don't like it, tough. I'm seventeen now, I'm capable of making my own decisions, ok? I love him, is that so wrong?" Buffy reached the end of her tirade, and sank to her bed.

"How dare you speak to me like that, Buffy? You're grounded for the next two weeks, and one more word out of you," she added, anticipating her daughter, "And it's a month, understood?" With that, Joyce turned and left the room. Buffy lay back on her bed, and sighed.

***

"And she's just been totally unreasonable for the last two weeks! Now I'm finally not grounded anymore, she's watching me like a hawk!" Buffy paused, "Oh, Angel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come here and just complain to you."

"That's ok, it's what I'm here for, to make you feel better." She smiled at him.

"And it's appreciated, I can assure you!" She sighed, "Angel, I'm tired, I'm just going to go home and get some sleep, I'm sorry about this. Maybe I can see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, sure. The Bronze?" She nodded, then gave him a quick kiss, before leaving his room. He sighed.

***

When Buffy got home, she flipped on the CD player as she got ready for bed. Finally lying down, wrapped in her quilt, she listened to the words.

<"...I take for granted our love is secure,
But if I started losin' you, one thing is sure:
I'd be down on my knees,
Ready to pray, darlin';
Down on my knees,
Making you stay;
I'd be begging you, please,
Don't take your love from me.
I'd be down on my knees.">

Buffy fell asleep secure in the knowledge that she would never have to feel like she was going to lose her love.

***

"Buffy!"

"Hmm? Yes mum?" a very sleepy Buffy replied.

"There's a letter here for you, hand delivered."

Buffy crawled out of bed, put on her robe, and went downstairs. "Thanks, mum." She went into the living room, and sat on the sofa to read the letter.

'Buffy,
I'm sorry do have to do this, but I think it's best. I don't want to ruin your relationship with your mother, I know it's already strained without me being around, so I've decided it's best if I leave. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye in person, but I thought it better to keep this brief.

Maybe we'll see each other again someday. I look forward to that day if it comes. I love you Buffy, and I'll miss you.
Your Angel.'

"NO! ANGEL!" Buffy broke down in tears on the arm of the sofa. Joyce rushed in, and seeing the letter on the floor, picked it up.

"Oh God, what have I done?" she whispered to herself, looking down at her distraught daughter.

***

Buffy had run up to her room, and again turned the CD player on, the song she'd fallen asleep to began playing. It took a while for her to be able to hear the words.

<"I learned to be strong a long time ago,
And I can face any wind no matter how hard it blows,
But I'd have to be stronger than I want to be
If I had to live without you loving me.">

***

Angel was sitting on a plane as Buffy lay crying on her bed. He picked up the headphones to pass the time listening to the music the airline provided. Checking the list, he saw the song was by a woman called Trisha Yearwood. Didn't Buffy have a CD by her?

He started listening to the song when it was already half way through.

<"I'd be down on my knees,
Ready to pray, darlin';
Down on my knees,
Making you stay,
I'd be begging you, please,
Don't take your love from me.
I'd be down on my knees.
No one matters more in my life,
Or makes me feel like you make me feel inside.
And I've come far enough to know
Love's worth never letting go of,
And love is not a matter of pride.
I'd be down on my knees,
Ready to pray, darlin';
Down on my knees,
Making you stay,
I'd be begging you, please,
Don't take your love from me.
I'd be down on my knees.">

Angel put the head phones to one side, a tear sliding down his cheek. Maybe listening to music hadn't been such a good idea after all...

***
***
One year later.
***
***

"Buffy! You don't want to late!"

"Coming, mum!" Buffy ran down the stairs, grabbed her jacket, and dragged her mum out the door to the car where her father was already waiting in the passenger seat.

"I still can't believe my baby's so grown up!" Joyce exclaimed as she backed the car down the driveway.

"Mum, quit it, ok? That's like the millionth time you've said that!" Buffy was fidgeting nervously in the back seat, obviously not needing anymore reminders.

"I know, honey, but you're graduating!"

"I know, I think I'd have a hard time trying to forget!"

***

Just after the beginning of the ceremony, and unexpected total eclipse blacked out the town. The principal told everyone to calm down, and the graduation ceremony continued in the dark.

Buffy walked up on to the staging when her name was called, received her certificate, and glanced out to find her mother. Instead, her eyes were drawn to the edge of the crowd, at the back. There was no mistaking, it was Angel.

Buffy rushed down from the staging, as fast as she could without drawing too much attention to herself. Which was hard being up on a stage in front of a huge crowd of people.

"Buffy!" Calls for her attention came from many directions, but she pushed past them, heading for the place she'd seen Angel.

When she got there, he'd left. No one could say where he'd gone, most didn't even remember seeing him. Buffy had lost him again.

The sun came out again, lighting the way for the post-ceremony party that had been planned.

***

Joyce however, had also seen him at the graduation, and when she saw Buffy's face as she descended from the stage, she knew where he was. And she had not gone to congratulate her daughter, she'd gone to find Angel. She'd only just seen him leave, but she saw which car he got into and which direction he'd gone in. That would have to do for now.

Returning to the crowd, she found Buffy.

"Congratulations, honey!" she said, hugging her daughter.

"I want to go home."

Joyce had been expecting this. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Buffy replied quietly.

"Ok." If Buffy thought it was strange her mother didn't try and talk her into staying, she let it go. She went to the car with her mum, grabbing her dad's arm as they passed him.

"Dad, we're going home now."

"What? But honey-" he protested.

"Now, dad." Hearing the tone in her voice, he didn't press her any further, and they left.

In the car, Joyce turned the radio on to break the silence. It took a while for anyone to really hear the lyrics - Joyce regretted trying to break the silence when she did hear them.

<"I thought I saw you there,
With the snow falling down around you.">

"We're so proud of you today, Buffy. You know that, don't you?" The only reply Joyce received was a grunt.

<"And it's strange but it's true,
I was sure it was you,
Just a face in the crowd.">

"Mum, turn the radio off."

"Buffy, how dare you speak to your mother like that?"

"It's ok, Hank," Joyce said as she turned the music off. She shot him an 'I'll explain later' look as he opened his mouth to protest further.

***

Back in her room, Buffy decided to listen to the rest of the song.

<"I got down on my knees and prayed,
And I wept in the arms of Jesus
For the choice you made.
We were just getting to the good part,'
Just gettin' past the mystery.">

Tears began to slide down her face as the song continued.

<"You just slipped out of view,
Like a face in the crowd.">

Buffy buried her face in the pillow, and didn't hear the next few lines until her hearing had adjusted.

<"And you chase me like a shadow,
And you haunt me like a ghost.
And I hate you some and I love you some,
But I miss you most...">

***

"Joyce, you should've told me about this before, but what you did was right. She's too young-"

"No, she's not. She loved him. If she can love, then she can... Love. I was directly responsible for him leaving. He came back today, presumably to see the girl he loves graduate-"

"Joyce, he's too old for her, several years out of high school, and at her age she only thought she was in love-"

"She's been pining for him for a year and never even looked twice at another boy since. If that doesn't show how much she cared about him... Look, I have to go somewhere. Be kind to her, ok?" When he nodded a reply, Joyce grabbed her car keys and left the house.

***

Joyce had arrived back at the graduation, she ignored the fact the Willow and Xander were running over to find out why Buffy had left so early, and continued driving. She'd seen him go this way...

It only took a few minutes before she spotted his car outside a hotel. She parked, took a deep breath and got out of her car. She walked inside, and up to the reception desk.

"Hello?" When the receptionist looked up, she continued, "I'm looking for someone, he said he was staying here. His name's Angel."

"We have do a Mr. Angel staying with us at the moment. He's in room number 104. Shall I call ahead for you?" asked the receptionist in a completely toneless voice.

"No, I'm a bit early, I'll surprize him."

"Ok then, goodbye ma'am." The receptionist turned back to her book.

Joyce walked over to the stairs, at least 104 would probably be on the first floor - there were only three floors to the place.

*I can't believe I lied like that! Well, it's for Buffy. It's the least I can do for her.*

She reached the first floor, and found Angel's room close to the stairs. *I can't believe I'm doing this.* She knocked on the door.

"Hold on a second!" After a moment the door opened. "Yes? Oh, Mrs. Summers. What can I do for you?" He'd hidden his surprize well, but she could tell he meant 'How did you find me?'

"I saw you get into your car at the graduation, I went back after dropping Buffy home, and I went the same direction you did until I saw your car again in the parking lot." Having finished her very brief explanation, she stepped into the room, making him step back so she didn't walk into him.

"Um, Mrs. Summers-"

"Joyce, please. I'm here to talk to you about my daughter." She looked up at him, smiling.

"Mrs. Sum- Joyce, I wasn't planning on going anywhere near Buffy-" She interrupted him again.

"I know. That's why I'm here." Angel looked at her in confusion. Joyce took a deep breath, and began to explain; "Angel, I was wrong to treat Buffy the way I did, but you have to understand it was a shock to me when I came home. A long-lasting shock, I'll admit, but when I acted the way I did, it was because I thought she was too young, you were too old," Joyce didn't see Angel's smile at that comment, "And I didn't believe that you were good enough for her because of that. But when I found out I'd caused you to leave, I realized two things. I realized that if you cared so much about Buffy's well-being then I may have mis-judged you," she stopped, and took a breath, "I also realized what a bitch I'd been. To both of you, not just Buffy-"

"Joyce, please, you don't have to say anymore. You weren't that bad-"

"I must have been, or you wouldn't have left her. Look, I came here to apologise - which is what I've been trying to do in a rushed, round-about way for the last five minutes - and to ask you... Is there any possibility of you coming back to her? I know this is a rather odd thing for me to do but she's been so miserable... If you've other commitments now, I'll
understand-"

"I don't." Angel's willingness to go back to Buffy was all too evident, and if Joyce was willing to let him, it would be perfect. "Joyce... Do you think I could see her tonight?"

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes!" Then she hesitated, "But I'll have to get her father out of the house. Come just after eight o' clock?"

"That's great. I'll be there."

She nodded, "Ok, I won't tell Buffy, it can be a surprize."

***

"Hank?"

"Yes? I'm up here."

Joyce walked upstairs to the spare room.

"I don't feel like cooking tonight. Do you want to try that new restaurant?"

"Sure, I take it Buffy's staying to sulk in her room?" Well, at least this one would only be a half lie, she was staying...

"Yes, I think it's best she gets it out of her system. I'll let her know we're going out while you get your coat." Joyce turned, and walked down the hall to Buffy's room.

"Buffy?" she asked, knocking on the door.

"What?"

Joyce didn't bother going in, "You're father and I are going out, we might not be back til late. Ok?"

"Whatever."

Joyce shook her head, it was a good thing this mood would change soon, she didn't think she could take much more of it.

"Joyce? Do you want me to drive?" Joyce hurried downstairs to answer him.

"No, that's ok. I will."

***

A car had just left the drive, presumably meaning Buffy was now alone. Angel looked up at Buffy's bedroom window, he could hear a song playing - Trisha Yearwood again if he wasn't mistaken.

<"I was standing at the counter,
I was waiting for the change,
When I heard that old familiar music start.
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul;
It was like a dam had broken in my heart.">

Angel climbed up to her window, but didn't go inside right away. He would let Buffy get herself together a little first. She looked beautiful to him, but he knew that even now, she would prefer to at least not be covered in tearstains when they met again. He continued to listen.

<"After drivin' out the memory
Of the way things might have been,
After I'd forgotten all about us,
The song remembers when.
We were rollin' through the Rockies,
We were up above the clouds,
When a station out of Jackson played that song.
And it seemed to fit the moment,
And the moment seemed to freeze
When we turned the music up and sang along.
And there was a God in Heaven,
And the world made perfect sense.">

Angel couldn't wait any longer, he knocked on the window. "Buffy?"

Buffy froze. He... He couldn't be *here* could he? Slowly, she turned, unwilling to have her momentary hope destroyed, as it had been earlier.

"Angel?" she gasped.

"Yes. It's me."

Buffy ran to him, threw her arms around him, and began sobbing against his chest. "Angel, Angel, Angel," she kept repeating.

"Shhh," he put his arms around her as much to prove to himself she was there, as to comfort her.

The CD track changed as they stood in each other's arms.

<"How do I get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be?
Oh and I,
I need you in my arms,
Need you to hold.
You're my world, my heart, my soul.">

"Buffy, I'm so sorry." He answer was to shake her head against his chest.

<"If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life.
Without you there'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I, baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you.">

"Don't," she finally said, "You thought you were doing the right thing."

<"Baby, you would take away everything real in my life.
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go.
How do I ever survive?
How do I, how do I?
Oh, how do I live?">

"That's no excuse, I shouldn't have-" Buffy put her finger on his lips in a gesture for him to stop talking.

<"If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything.
Need you with me
Baby 'cause you know that you're everything good in my life.
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go.
How do I live without you?
Without you baby?">

Buffy leant forward and kissed him softly, as though he was so fragile she might break him, and lose him again. He pulled her tightly against him.

"Oh, Buffy. I've missed you." Suddenly, she pulled back from him.

"Angel, why have you suddenly come here, after you avoided me at graduation..."

"I'm sorry about that," he smiled wryly, "but I still thought we should stay apart then."

"What changed?" Buffy was resisting his attempts to pull her back to him.

"Your mother found me. She apologised, and asked if I'd come back to you." Buffy looked like she was going to fall over.

"She did?" Buffy was too shocked now to stop him holding her. "I can't believe it..."

"And she got you dad out of the house for the night," he added in a whisper.

Buffy looked at him incredulously. "Oh," was all she could manage.

"Mmm, we've got the house to ourselves." He picked her up, and carried her to the bed, laying her down gently. "What shall we do?"

Buffy smiled now. "Don't you have any ideas?"

***

The next morning, she woke up to find herself in Angel's arms. She stayed still for a minute, then moved to look at him. At some point during the night, he'd vamped out, and he'd either forgotten, or not bothered to change it back. She thought of Angelus for a moment, then reminded herself it was Angel in front of her. That thought was a happier one. Then she noticed the sunlight coming in through the window was dangerously close to his arm.

"Honey?" she whispered.

"Mmm?"

"Don't move, I have to cover the window." His answering murmur indicated that he didn't want to move. She chuckled, and went to a drawer to get a blanket. Finding one, she covered the window, and was about to get back into bed.

"BUFFY, breakfast!"

She froze. That was her dad's voice.

"BUFFY?"

"Be right there, dad!" she yelled back. "Oh God, Angel!" He was already getting out of bed. "You'll have to stay here," she *really* didn't want to go.

"I could come down to breakfast with you," he suggested casually.

"What? My dad's there. If it was just mum, maybe, but no way with him here!"

"Why not, he'll have to meet me sometime," he turned to look at her, "After all, you're responsible for yourself aren't you? If he sees your mum doesn't mind..."

"Angel... I don't think it's a good idea..." she faltered.

"I do. I'm sick of other people dictating life for us." He grabbed her and kissed her. "Come on, Buffy..."

They'd both been dressing as they talked, and she hesitated a moment, before giving a decisive nod.

"Yes, come on before I change my mind. It's not like the kitchen window faces east. I think that would be a little too hard to explain."

Angel laughed a response, and took her hand. They walked downstairs hand-in-hand, and just before they went in, they looked at each other.

"Angel! You're in gameface!" She couldn't believe how close that had been, but she couldn't help a giggle escaping her.

"Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me," he whispered with a grin as he changed to looking decidedly more human. "Ready?"

She nodded, and opened the door.

"About time young la-" her father froze when he saw she wasn't alone. Her mother however, seemed to be expecting it.

"Good morning, Buffy, Angel." She resumed her task of putting the food out.

"Angel? Who are you?" Hank Summers demanded.

"Buffy's boyfriend, Hank. Now sit down and calm down. Here's your breakfast." Hank looked incredulously at Joyce, who seemed oblivious.

Buffy shot her mother a grateful look as she sat down. Angel had pulled out a seat for her, and it wasn't until he sat beside her she realized he was sitting next to her father and she was next to her mother. He was trying to protect *her*? She could've laughed.

"So, Angel is it? How long have you know my little girl?"

"Two years, Mr. Summers; since she arrived in Sunnydale." Angel smiled slightly at Hank's confusion, obviously expecting an answer more along the lines of 'about a month or so.'

"I see. Well, then you have honourable intentions towards my daughter?"

Buffy and her mother rolled their eyes at each other, Hank and Angel missed it.

"I love Buffy, Mr. Summers. I will never do anything to hurt her, I'll always be there for her."

"Love her do you? She's only eighteen! She only graduated yesterday for God's sake!" He paused, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

"Eight years?" He turned to Joyce, "And you let this happen?"

"He's good for her, there's nothing wrong with it." She paused, as if remembering something. "Hank, isn't your new girlfriend nine years younger than you?"

"That's completely different, Joyce! We know what we're doing, we're older-"

"So's Angel," Buffy murmured into her juice. Joyce and Angel had to stifle laughs, while Hank just looked angrier than ever.

"What did you say young lady?"

"Well, for a start, I have a name, it's Buffy; and secondly, I think you're being silly. Calm down. I can be responsible for myself."

"Buffy, go to your room." Buffy just looked at him, Angel thought the whole thing was quite funny, but kept a straight face for Buffy's sake.

"Hank, she's eighteen, not eight. If you don't calm down I'll kick *you* out until you can calm down. Now stop being so silly, and eat your breakfast, it's getting cold."

Suitably chastised, he did as he was told. For about a minute.

"What do you do, Angel?"

"I'm a historian. Generally concerning about... The last two hundred and fifty years or so." It was Buffy's turn to keep a straight face.

"Really?" Hank seemed sceptical. "Research?"

"Mostly, yes. Mr. Giles, the school librarian, has been helping me obtain some rare volumes for a while now - he has connections at the British Museum. That's how I first met Buffy."

"I see." Knowing that Angel employed himself in something of some use, not some low-paid job at a fast-food restaurant as he'd expected, Hank seemed to calm down a lot about Angel being there with them.

After breakfast, Buffy and Angel went into the living room, and Joyce and Hank stayed in the kitchen.

"You should give your daughter a little more credit in the people she chooses to go out with you know," Joyce said casually, "Like you said, she is eighteen."

Hank snorted. "With her past record?"

Joyce shot him a sharp look. "That had nothing to do with boyfriends, and her behaviour did improve a lot. She was at Sunnydale High two years, she was not expelled, and she graduated. I've had it proven to me many times that she can take care of herself," she turned to look at him. "Give Angel a chance, he's a really nice person. I think you'll like him."

Sighing, Hank hung his head. "I guess I still can't get over the fact that she's grown up now. You're right. But I reserve my right to be irrational if I want to be, but I'll try not to do it in front of Buffy or Angel."

"Good, that's all that's needed." Joyce returned to washing up the frying pans in the sink.

"Angel? What kind of a name is that anyway?" Joyce gave up.

***

"That didn't go so badly."

Buffy looked at Angel sceptically. "Didn't it?" She sighed, "It could have been worse I suppose. I might not have noticed your face before we went in." Buffy started giggling, "That would've really made things interesting."

"Mmm, yes. Good thing you reminded me about it." He winked at her. "If your dad reacted like that to me being here for breakfast, what do you think he'd say if you moved in with me?"

Buffy's jaw dropped, and she paused a moment before answering; "Well, I guess we wouldn't have to deal with him at breakfast again for a while, so what does it matter? I think he'd get over it."

"What would you say if I asked you?"

"Yes."

***

"Right, that's the last of it." Buffy turned to Angel and smiled, "Shall we start to pack things away?"

Angel looked in bemusement at the tower of boxes and suitcases; he shook his head. "I'm going to... Put some music on."

He plugged her CD player in, and picked up a CD.

"Trisha Yearwood seems to be following me around," he commented, "Do you want that CD on?"

"Whatever," Buffy had flopped on to the sofa and she had her eyes closed. Angel smiled, and put the music on. As the song started, he walked over to her, and gently kissed her mouth. She opened her eyes.

<"When you look at me the way you do
I can't help but look right back at you.
Yeah this is a perfect love,
We're doin' nothing but what a perfect love does.
We're not tryin' to make history,
It's just you and me
In a perfect love.">

"So, do you want to get started on unpacking my stuff?" Buffy asked, trying to sit up.

Angel shook his head, stopping her, "Later." He kissed her again as he pushed her back on to the sofa.

<"Oh, ain't it a perfect love?
I know you love me just because.">